Not again....

I really don't know how i get myself into these situations time and time again, and the worst part is I really have no one to talk to about it. Mostly everyone around me wants to hear that things are going terrific or nothing at all. Not even Jessica...well...especially not Jessica. She's got her own problems lately, and doesn't want to hear about/worry over mine on top of them i guess. We used to be a decent support system for each other, but now anytime I try to give her advice or boost her self-esteem she heeds nothing, in fact she most often will criticize me for trying to say anything. And, of course, I don't want her worrying about my problems either. Unfortunately, for the time being, this is really mine only means to vent about life; that was a huge problem last semester: lack of someone to vent to. I don't know whether it was the infrequency with which I went or simply that the guy was bad at his job, but going to counseling certainly didn't do a thing.
As always, classes are a big worry right now, and as always it's an issue of time management. Of course, as has been true for the past couple years, this is more a problem of being productive in the little time I actually have rather than being an issue or planning my time out effectively. So yeah, another horrible, unfinished, nonsensical paper sits in front of me, and the clock's ticking until another day. Last year I got caught up too much on the idea that i needed to produce a masterpiece with everything I did and couldn't simply get things done to have them done, which has always worked, well, decently enough in the past. I've never planned for a big paper far enough ahead of time to produce my best work if I'm really honest with myself. I really need to take a look at myself academically. I've almost always (with the exception of the past year) been satisfied with my performance, but I'm realizing more and more that I'm not retaining much, and this is troublesome. Of course I'm repeating enough of past material to reinforce some of it, but I still feel, especially with classes in my major, that it's important i start treating them with a bit more seriousness and interest, rather than all as something to simply get through. Perhaps I'm realizing that specialization means I'm leaving some knowledge forever shrouded in mystery, and, for once, I should hold myself to knowing quite a bit more about my "specialty" than the simple just-enough-time test prep of the past.
I really don't know what I want to do with my life, and I don't want to so easily tie myself down to some specialty, but at the same time I don't care to be part of a job where no substantial knowledge of the world beyond simple social knowledge and simple mathematics (for monetary exchanges). Lately I've clung to the idea of the family life dominating my import in life, following along the lines of what, of course, I was intended by nature to do and be in life. As good as it feels to think about it, it still feels empty without a purposeful career.